One month.
So this is the I post in which I share how I’m dealing with the breakup.
It’s been one month and I’m still hurting, just not as much. Sometimes he pops into my mind, and I realize that I’ve lost feelings for him, but not really. I will always treasure the boy I fell in love with several months ago, but.. that’s not him anymore. I like to think of it in a way that the guy I loved is gone. That he drifts into other people’s bodies. Like he’s trying to find a permanent home, and in between our encounters, he lets me grow.
I know God knows that my last relationship wasn’t healthy, and He knows that I lost myself during that time. I neglected my family and lost all of my friends, basically, in exchange for the temporary high that this boy gave me. I didn’t realize back then that it was only temporary.
Still, what hurts the most is that this boy who told me he loved me and made me feel it too, eventually gave up on me. I sulked in anger for about 2 weeks. Angry that he left, and wasn’t coming back. I felt like I had put up with so much of him, I forgave him multiple times, and then he just left me. It hurt.
Eventually, I got over that. I realized that maybe there’s someone out there more suited for me. That this relationship was forced. And because of that, it was going to end eventually. I guess he did me a favor by ending it.
What kept me going in the relationship was my belief to not give up no matter what on the person you love. That we should always find a way to fix it. I was forcing it to work.
I don’t know what to believe in anymore though.
I just don’t believe that there’s a perfect person out there for me, for anyone. That I should pass up a person I found something special with for hopes in finding something even more special. That “special” thing dies out anyways, in all relationships. That’s what I believe. No matter how perfect two people are for each other, eventually it gets rough. You can’t keep throwing away what you have in search of that “young love feeling”. What makes it special is if you still want to stay, even when the sparks die down. You have to fight for it.
But then again, some people just aren’t meant to be. Like us.
See? these two ideas, both correct. both contradicting.
I don’t know.
To the boy I loved,
‘til we meet again.
